Restaurant Week Blues

Once again, Restaurant Week in Birmingham will end this weekend without my participation. It’s not that I don’t like the concept. This is a great promotion of the independent restaurant scene that makes this city special and that should be cherished.

I love to eat out, and I have to be forced to eat at a chain restaurant. But for some reason I’m never in a position to take advantage of Restaurant Week (actually it is 10 days because organizers were smart enough to include two weekends in the promotion).

For those not familiar, participating restaurants offer special fixed menus at an attractive price – $5 -$15 for lunches, and $10-$30 for dinners. You can eat a three-course meal for $30 (before drinks and tip) at the best restaurant in town, where you might spend $60 or more any other night ordering three courses from the menu. It’s a great way to try a place you normally can’t afford, experience a different restaurant or check out that chef getting the raves these days.

The problem is Restaurant Week just doesn’t work for my situation. My wife, the most wonderful person in the world, is a vegetarian. She has a hard enough time finding something haute that’s not just a mishmash of side dishes; her choices are even more limited on Restaurant Week menus. But as the movie Mafia man said, “This is the life we chose to live.” It goes with the territory.

My wife and I measure time like most parents do: BK (before kids) and AK (after kids). BK, Restaurant Week would have been attractive, even if my wife would end up having to order off the regular menu. AK: the extremely limited (although thoughtful) selection of Restaurant Week kids’ menus makes it less attractive. Throw in school and aftercare in the modern double-income family and extracurriculars like piano, football and gymnastics and it’s darn-near impossible even to find the time to take proper advantage of Restaurant Week.

But mentally, I devour those Restaurant Week menus. In my fantasy world, here’s how I would have grazed this year (with extensive workouts in-between):

Saturday 1: Beer Saturday at Avondale Brewery, followed by a trip to Little Savannah for corn chowder and Alabama catfish, ending with peaches and cream.

Sunday 1: Limited choices: I’d head to Jim N’ Nicks for the brined, smoked pork chop.

Monday: Another day with limited options, but great ones. Lunch at Little Donkey for Salad Picado and tacos; dinner at VINO (where just about everything on the Restaurant Week special menu sounds good).

Tuesday: Now options are widening. Dinner plans this week would feature a tour of participating Big Dog restaurants, so why not launch with a Frank Stitt day-night double header? Bottega Café for lunch (a wood-fired pizza). Then dinner at one of the best restaurants in the country, Highlands Bar and Grill, for chilled corn soup, pork confit with Southern vegetables and what sounds like a decadent chocolate sundae dessert.

Wednesday: Lunch at Café de Paris: “gaspaccho” chilled tomato soup and Mediterranean chicken. Dinner at Ocean would bring a surprising choice from a place known for its seafood: slow-braised short ribs with (OK, so it’s not a total stretch) crawfish etouffe. That cherry, heirloom tomato, local greens and goat cheese salad sounds interesting, too.

Thursday: Rogue burger for lunch. Dinner at The Veranda for the ham and melon plate appetizer, pork duo entree (mmmmm, pork belly) and pound cake/berry dessert.

Friday: Blaze on with another Stitt double-header: Lunch at Chez Fon Fon, cucumber soup and Poulet Provençale; dinner at Bottega Dining Room where the braised lamb with eggplant probably would win out over spaghetti with clams.

Saturday 2: Here’s the chance to visit another James Beard chef, Chris Hastings, for dinner. But before there’s serious eating and drinking to be done: Lunch at JoJo’s Diner in Homewood to check out that chuck-brisket burger; Good People at the second Beer Saturday hosted by Dave’s Pub.

Then it’s time to hit Hot and Hot Fish Club for what sounds like a fascinating chilled soup that includes tomatoes, watermelon, squash, cucumber and – yes you’re reading this right – heirloom tomato sorbet. Truly an Iron Chef-style inspiration. My meal at the chef’s counter also would include the 13-Mile shrimp pasta dish and a rich panna cotta.

Sunday 2: Slices at Slice for lunch. And for dinner, haul my now-bloated body back to Little Donkey, because that tamal of the day and wood-oven braised chicken tomatillo sounds too good to miss.

Of course, I never could make it through 10 days of over-the-top eating like that – from a financial or health standpoint. If anything it’s just an exercise in vicarious pleasure.

But one day, perhaps as my children’s taste buds become more sophisticated, I hope to do more than fantasize on Restaurant Week in Birmingham.